Peer Editing Feedback

1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
Add more on what you will miss going into college; compare what you will miss from your childhood to that and note differences and similarities.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Get a few more comments from your cousin and how they viewed you back when you were looking up to them. Change your lead into more of a story, it could even be the story where you were preparing for battle.

3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
You go in and out of a descriptive scenes, if you talk to more cousins you could probably use their quotes as a lead to another story.
4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
All you need to do is elaborate on a few ideas. I pretty much said them al above, what you will miss going into college and such.