Peer Editing Feedback
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
I think you should add a quote from a different source instead of just students, maybe ask you mom for a few things she did for your sister that your sister probably misses now. Also maybe analyze why people gain weight a bit more.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Like I said above ask you mom or dad. The lead did draw me in and definitely involved college.

3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
At the beginning it di but later on in the story it did not as much. Maybe describe the girl who play golf' and her life a bit more. Runing from class to practice, guzzling coffee to get through homework, etc

4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
You have a good start but you should add someones prespective other than a college student. Also, develop your last paragraph a bit more. Analyzing some of your comments a bit more will make you sound more credible and enhance your story overall.